Discovering Dishonesty in the Christian Homeschool
โHey, come help me move this couch. I want to clean under it really well.โ As I impatiently waited for one of my sons to appear and help, I saw a small paper folded up in the cushions. Upon further inspection, I knew immediately what it was and my heart sank. It was the assignment that had gone missing months earlier. Only it hadnโt just been misplaced, I was realizing now that it had been purposefully and deceitfully hidden.
My child did not want to do the work and so had lied to me about ever receiving the assignment. I remember well when it came up missing, I had helped him search for it. We looked everywhere: in his desk, under the bed, in his backpack, folders, binders, closet, on my desk and in my books…
He lied to me. How could he do this, again?
Discovering Dishonesty
During the previous school year, I discovered months of unfinished math and science. I could feel my anger rising. Why does he think this behavior is acceptable? Why would he try to get away with this again? Why didnโt the discipline from last time work? How am I going to get through to him?
I set off to seek the counsel of Godly women who had traveled this road before me. Ha! Letโs be real, I called my friend to rant about what had just happened! She reminded me that she too had discovered dishonesty in her homeschool.
Her child had been cheating on his quizzes and tests. He had been copying verbatim from the answer key onto his work, changing a few answers to make it look believable. Suddenly, I was recalling story after story from fellow homeschoolers who had found their child was not doing the work they said they were doing and/or were cheating on the work that was being completed. My anger subdued.
I began to realize, some of this is my fault too. How could I have let months go by without checking his work? Hereโs the really simplified answer: Iโm human.
Homeschooling Requires Us To Be Present
I am a homeschool mom of four. I am involved in just as many or more extra-curricular activities than my children, more on that later. We are small business owners. I homeschool four children. I am imperfect and flawed. I run the day to day tasks of my home; I chauffeur everyone; I teach algebra to children that I did not birth; I serve in my community; and did I mention I homeschool four children?
Iโm really trying to drive that last point home. Homeschooling requires us to be present. Thatโs not an easy thing to be in todayโs society no matter how many students you have.
I had a brief discussion with the guilty party and ended with a promise of discipline and lengthier discussions, ahem lectures. This child is old enough to understand a delayed consequence, which felt fitting because the offense wasnโt discovered until months after it was committed.
I spent the next few days eating chocolate and mulling over the ordeal.
As I stated previously I played a role in this incident, but that doesnโt excuse the childโs behavior. As his teacher, I have a responsibility to ensure he is doing the work and understanding the work. When I donโt follow through with my portion, the possibility for mishap is increased.
Letโs explore that side of things a little. Perhaps the work is genuinely too difficult, thereโs some maturing that needs to take place or there might be gaps in the learning. Especially in a cumulative subject like a language or math we need to ensure that each lesson is mastered before new information is encountered.
Thatโs not what I was dealing with though. No, my child wasnโt struggling. He simply didnโt want to do the work. He saw an opportunity unfold and he succumbed to the temptation.
Homeschooling Takes Time
Recall earlier how I mentioned I enjoy lots of extra curricular activities? I wasnโt kidding when I said I may be involved in more than my children. I enjoy taking part in lots of things, and I can easily and quickly stretch myself too thin and before long Iโve gone months without checking a subject in school that really needs to be tended to daily.
I need to be honest with myself before saying yes to another project or signing up for another race. Uh-oh! Did you catch that? โI need to be honestโฆโ One of the things I love to hate about homeschooling is the refinement that takes place in me. I am grateful that The Father deems me worthy of purification. But sometimes, just sometimes I wish it was only about somebody elseโs mess!
It appears my priorities can shift quickly when I fail to be mindful of my time and Godโs calling on my life.
Iโve learned from these experiences, I protect our days better than I did in the past and I have a scheduled meeting with each child daily or weekly depending on age.ย And donโt you worry about my son, weโre gonna deal with him too! I hope youโll check back for part two of this story, Instilling Integrity, where Iโll dive into the measures we took to avoid a third bout of this lapse in judgement.ย ย
This has been a guest post written by Courtney Day. She has been homeschooling for 9 years and resides in rural Kentucky with her husband and their four children. She is a freelance writer and speaker with a desire to encourage parents in their homeschooling journey by drawing from her own experiences. Her hobbies include gardening, reading, kickboxing and long distance running. Youโll often find her serving at the local food bank or fundraising for a worthy cause, just look for The Girl in Yellow. Contact Courtney at girlinyellow2020@yahoo.com