Posted by Cindy on February 23, 2012
This is a classic re-post of a devotion I originally wrote Jan 2008. I thought it was worth sharing again.
Do you ever catch yourself talking to others about your children – “venting” about the struggles of your children to others. I had the opportunity to present the devotion at co-op this week and the Lord very clearly put this topic on my mind. Probably because so many moms I come in contact with don’t understand the power their words have. Here are notes from the devotion.
Leviticus 19:16
Do not go about spreading slander among your people.
Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the LORD.
Proverbs 11:13
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
Proverbs 20:19
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.
1 Timothy 3:11
Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.
Proverbs 16:28
A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.
Proverbs 17:9
He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.
Proverbs 18:8
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.
Proverbs 26:20
Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.
Leviticus 19:16
Thou shall not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people.
2 Thessalonians 3:11
For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies.
We are clearly warned against gossip/slander/talebearing. Usually, we tend to think about this in terms of talking about friends or acquaintances. We might even consider that we shouldn’t speak about our husbands poorly. But, how often do we put this in terms of speaking about our own children?
How many times have we found ourselves “venting” about our children to others? How many times have we “asked advice” about a particular problem with our child to anyone who will listen? How many times have we told a tale about them in front of others, only to see their mortified face afterward? How many times have we been so frustrated that we let spill out our frustrations on the phone to a friend, only to have them listening in the other room?
I truly believe there’s a difference in asking advice from a “mentor” about an issue with a child and just openly complaining about the child. I believe there needs to be one or two close friends or “older women” that you can go to when you need godly counsel. But beyond those couple of people, spilling our child’s struggles to anyone who will listen can only be classified in my mind as gossip about our children. Even still, I believe what we share with close friends or mentors needs to be guarded carefully. Carefully in the way that we are really seeking counsel and not just venting, and careful in the way that we don’t speak about our children so that they can hear us.
When thinking about close friends or mentors, I feel like it’s very important to really know the person with whom we’re talking. Will they possibly continue the gossip? Will they give us godly advice and not just help us to continue the cycle of complaining?
What we expect from our children is most often what our children live up to. Our expectations are not always spoken to them. Unspoken expectations are read from things like our attitudes, facial expressions and what they overhear us saying about them. When we talk about them to others, what they hear from our mouths becomes a form of the “expectation” they relate to themselves. Even if they don’t hear us talking about them, children most often know that we have been. Don’t be fooled into thinking that they don’t know what we’ve said – even little bitty ones.
And what happens when they overhear us talking about them? Besides the expectation they start to internalize, what else happens? Bitterness, anger, dejection, hurt feelings, thoughts that they can’t possibly be good enough, thoughts that they are causing all the strife in our houses, withdrawl, sibling rivalry….????
Go back and reread 2 Thess 3:11. When we talk, talk, talk – even in the name of “I’m getting advice from a mentor” often gets us nowhere.Actually getting to work on the “issues” we have with our children is what will really make a difference.
So, what to do? Practice building our children up to others. Not only will it reap positive results if our children overhear us, but it’s likely to paint a better picture in our own minds of our children. The problems may no longer seem so bad. Ken Ham always says how you see things depends on the glasses you’re wearing. This holds true with our children as well.Looking at them from dark and negative glasses will hide all their wonderful qualities and keep us focused on the bad that needs to be fixed. Putting on positive glasses will help us to focus on their good qualities, in turn, the bad qualities are likely to be pushed out as the good qualities keep growing.
May you be blessed as you strive to uplift your children and train them to wholeheartedly follow their God and Savior. May we always be mindful of the nudging and teaching of our Lord as He shows us the way in His Word.
Posted by Cindy on December 15, 2011
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“My child will never have a job where he needs to know algebra. We’re just teaching consumer math and being done with it.”
“I know God isn’t preparing my child for college, so I don’t plan to worry too much about high school requirements.”
“As long as my kids know the Lord, the rest of it doesn’t really matter.”
“Neither my high school children or I are interested in history. I think we’re just going to do a quick lapbook (*written for elementary students) and count it as a credit.”
“My kids give me so much grief about science that I’ve decided to stop teaching it for now. It’s just too hard to fight them.”
“I know I need to get more serious about school, but ball practice two mornings a week, ball games at least one or two nights a week and co-op classes on Monday afternoons are really messing up my schedule. We’re trying to fit school in, but we’re so behind.”
“God will fill in the gaps.”
Above are actual comments I have heard within the last four months.
They concern me.
I am a homeschooling parent. A parent who is responsible for teaching my children about the Lord and preparing them for their futures. I take those responsibilities seriously – as should every single parent who decides to call herself or himself a homeschooler.
Believe me when I say that I am all for creative learning! If a certain curriculum isn’t working, I don’t hesitate to switch. If one of my children learns better in a hands-on way, I will try to honor that through the assignments I dole out. If a certain subject just doesn’t jive with a particular kid, I’ll try to make it as painless as possible. If I personally can’t stand a subject (or don’t know enough about it), I’ll find other “teachers” – like field trips, documentaries or co-op classes – to fill in for me.
And, most importantly, believe me when I say I’M NOT PERFECT. I say yes to way too many events and find schoolwork taking the back seat sometimes. I get lazy about planning and executing lessons sometimes. I feel like I’m in uncharted territory with a high schooler and often wonder if I’m on the right course…
Also, I don’t have perfect children who absolutely love each and every task I assign. Hardly! There are days when I would much rather give up than deal with another whine. There are days I HAVE given up in place of dealing with another whine!
But, because it is my responsibility to teach them – and their responsibility to learn, we keep on keepin’ on.
While I DO believe God will fill in the gaps, I also believe that it would be unfair for me to assume my role as teacher is meaningless. Yes, He could choose to fill my children will every bit of knowledge they need, but why would God have given me such an honorable task if He didn’t expect me to do something with it?
And, while I DO believe each child has gifts and talents, sometimes very obvious, I think it’s very prideful of me (or my child) to assume we KNOW what God has prepared for the future. In other words, why wouldn’t I prepare my child with at least a college-bound education so that God can do whatever He plans to do? If college isn’t in the future, will it really hurt my children to have the extra education?
In fact, whether college-bound or not, Christians should be fully able to carry on an intelligent conversation about apologetics, world history from a Biblical perspective, or political-Christian issues, for example. If not for changing the world, maybe such conversations will be part of bringing people to Christ. In any case, our children will need to be able to stand strong against the wily devil and his schemes – no matter what their future “work” becomes. And when standing strong against the devil, it never hurts to be “smart” about the things of this world.
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not touting academics above discipleship of your children. Nor am I saying academics come before opportunities to be the hands and feet of Christ in a very thirsty world. I’m simply encouraging you to take homeschooling seriously. All parts of it.
I’m encouraging you to realize the awesome responsibility you’ve been given and honor the Lord with it. To give you a pep talk as you begin to prepare for a new semester. To remind you that you can never do any of it in your own strength, but only through constant prayer and guidance from the Lord. Ask Him how you’re doing. Ask Him what He needs you to work on. Not only will He give you the answers, He’ll supply the strength!
{Hear me. Some of you over-achievers are going to read this and think I’m talking to you. I’m not! In fact, I might actually advise you to back off a bit. Give yourself and your children a break. You know who you are! Others will start comparing themselves to everyone else. Don’t. If you’re following God’s leading, it won’t matter what everyone else is doing.}
I gave this talk as part of a devotion in the mom’s room at co-op recently. It was well-received there and I pray it serves to encourage here rather than stir controversy. I welcome all comments, though, whether you agree or not.
Another side note: Most of the homeschoolers I come in contact with are doing a GREAT job! I’m proud to be among such a God-honoring, high-achieving, creative group of people. I wouldn’t want to give the impression that homeschoolers in general have a lackadaisical attitude. I have written this article to the few who need to hear it and to encourage the rest of us in our resolve.
Posted by Cindy on September 26, 2011
How lucky am I? As part of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine’s 1st ever Blog Hop, I have the honor of hosting an interview with Diana Waring!
Many of you will remember how I went on an on about her History Revealed: Ancient Civilizations and the Bible curriculum last year. Sorry, but it was truly THAT good! For those of you who missed all the rave, my posts are referenced below for you.
But on to Diana…Do you know who Diana Waring is? She’s a veteran homeschooler, author of the (wonderful) History Revealed series published by Answers in Genesis, and author of two very encouraging books: Beyond Survival: A Guide to Abundant-Life Homeschooling
and Reaping the Harvest: The Bounty of Abundant-Life Homeschooling
. She believes “the key to education is relationship” and this idea drips from every one of her publications. She encourages joyful school time through meaningful activities and real discussions that lead to abundant homeschooling (and a life) that honors our Lord. Whether you read one of her books, use her curriculum or hear her speak, you will feel the excitement and passion she has for lifelong learning.
Now on to the interview!
What’s your favorite era in history? Would you want to live during that time?
Thank you for asking! This is one of those questions that always makes me smile, because my favorite era in history tends to be the one I am currently studying! In this case, however, I have just finished months of researching and writing about WWI and WWII—which is definitely NOT my favorite era in history.
To answer your question, though, I would have to say that for myself, I find it easy to romanticize a time period and overlook the difficulties and challenges people living during that era faced. For instance, I’ve often dreamed of what it would have been like to be one of the women who followed Jesus, supporting His ministry, hearing His teaching. Can you imagine hearing the Sermon on the Mount in person? Wow! However, I must say that I’m really thankful to not live under Roman occupation! And what an incredible gift it is to have antibiotics, frozen food, cheap books, and store-bought clothing readily available!! This is what I have realized about every time period in every place on earth—there have been and are amazing blessings and stunning challenges for each of us throughout history.
Why should we teach our children about history?
When I began homeschooling my children in the mid-1980s, there was a lot of fear of “what the world was coming to,” the nuclear arms race between the Soviet Union and the U.S., and the explosive events occurring in the Middle East. I had Christian friends who were choosing to not have children because they were so concerned about what was happening in the world. And, to top it off, I come from a long line of worriers. . .first class worriers! So, it was with much fear and trembling that I set off on the journey of parenting and homeschooling.
In 1992, as we settled into our new home in South Dakota, I began reading a book on world history to my kids, A Child’s History of the World, by Edward Hillyer. He was an engaging and interesting writer, but as I entered the chapter on ancient Egypt, I began to wonder why he wasn’t mentioning anything about Joseph, Moses or the Exodus. It was through my digging and researching that I began to get more and more perspective on the connection between events described in the Bible and what was taking place in these ancient cultures. It was so astonishing to begin to see the panorama, and to begin to recognize God’s heart for these different places and people, that one day I realized that God had been utterly faithful and perfectly on-time throughout each era I had studied. In pondering that, my own fears for the present were suddenly seen in light of God’s faithfulness in history. He truly is the same, yesterday, today and forever. So why was I so worried???
That was one of the major watershed events of my life. Seeing God’s faithfulness throughout history changed my outlook so completely, it brought such hope, faith and perseverance to my personal trials, that I began to share with others the extraordinary benefit of studying history with an eye to God’s works, His ways, and His Word. Honestly, that is one of the most compelling reasons I know to not only study history, but to dig into it together, sharing, discussing and considering it as a family.
Do you have any advice for parents who are homeschooling teens?
Yes! Enjoy them. That is simple to say, but more challenging to do.
As homeschoolers, we have invested SO much time, energy, and prayer into our kids, along with experiencing large doses of frustration and pulling-our-hair-out episodes. We have tried our best to care for them, protect them, lead them, teach them, guide them, nurture them. We have tried to teach them to get up in the morning, make their beds, brush their teeth, speak kindly to others, be respectful, work hard, be diligent, finish well, and take out the trash. We want them to love God, love us, love their siblings, and wait for the right person to marry. We have high hopes and tired bodies.
And then our little ones become teenagers. They have their own ideas, they are finding their own identities, they need their own space, they like weird clothes, they eat the leftovers without asking, and they growl at you on the way to hibernating in their cave. They want to talk to you at 11:30 p.m., just as you are wearily going to bed, and their ongoing middle-of-the-night conversations take hours.
It’s hard to not become exasperated. It’s difficult to find perspective. It was for us, anyway. We wondered what on earth had happened to our sweet, helpful kids. . . And, of course, as a homeschool mom, I assumed that I had done everything WRONG!! Fortunately for me, my husband began to recognize that they were going through that transition time from childhood to adulthood, which includes dramatic mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual changes. It was like watching a chrysalis as the butterfly begins to emerge—though the process is agonizingly longer.
So, again, my advice would be to enjoy them. Laugh together (reading funny books out loud helps!), play together, listen to them, encourage them. Set appropriate boundaries about appropriate issues, but do so with tremendous grace and kindness and love, remembering you were once in their shoes. And pray without ceasing. 
Thank you so much, Diana, for sharing your refreshing wisdom (and time)! What a pleasure it will be to meet you in person someday!
And guess what? There’s a giveaway!
Just because you stopped by to learn more about Diana, I have a giveaway for you! One person will win a one-year digital subscription to The Old Schoolhouse Magazine AND one person will win a digital copy of the Schoolhouse Planner.
All you have to do is comment on this post for a chance to win. You can earn another chance to win if you “like” and leave a comment on my Facebook page.
You only have until Saturday, October 1st to enter. Hurry!
Rules: Must be 18 or older to enter and provide a valid email address. TOS employees, contractors, product reviewers, and Crew members are not eligible to enter. Winners will be notified via email within two days of the close of the contest.
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Be sure to visit the entire TOS Blog Hop!
Each blog taking part has a giveaway to offer! During the duration of the Blog Hop, there will be daily giveaways on the Homeschooling With Heart Blog, too! Oh, and everyone who stops by will receive a free Ana Lyze 9-Pack Bundle!
Posted by Cindy on July 15, 2008
Well, I’m back from the CHEK Conference in one piece, but with lots of unpacking yet to do. Besides clothing bags, I packed three BIG baskets/boxes full of things for my workshops! I’m a very visual person and like to share visuals with others, too. Sadly, if I had taken everything I’d wanted, I probably could’ve packed six or more big containers. Yes, all for two one-hour workshops! LOL
I don’t know whether it was my heavy containers or the very busy job of chasing a toddler all day Saturday, but my hubby threw his back out and has been out of commission for two days now. Surely it wasn’t my boxes!! 
The workshops went really well. Thanks for those who prayed! A very special thank you goes to Melissa, Nora, Jenny, Anne and Bonnie for being there to support me!!
The first workshop was called “Adding Easy and Creative Touches to Your Homeschool”. Just about everything I talked about I have written a blog post about before. A lot of the ideas focused on learning centers, learning spaces, creative character ideas, living math and creative writing. What I haven’t blogged about before, will surely turn into posts eventually! LOL
The second workshop was called “Creative Nature Study” (I think.) Melissa and I shared this workshop. She spoke about why we should do nature study, shared some of the creative things she’s been doing (which she also shares on her blog), and led the ladies to many wonderful resources. I talked about how to keep a nature journal, what to pack in a nature bag, some creative activities to do in nature and how to start a Creation Club. The time went fast for both of us, so we talked a blue streak! I sure hope we didn’t overwhelm those poor ladies (and one husband)!
Oh yeah. My parents are really cool grandparents. They took the older kids for the weekend and visited the Louisville Slugger factory/museum, the Falls of the Ohio and the Squire Boone Caverns. What makes them really cool, though, is the fact that they willingly dressed up like cows for the Chik-Fil-A promotion. Yes, my children mean that much to them. Truth be told, the kids only had to ask once - I think my parents secretly enjoyed dressing up for free food! :)
Posted by Cindy on June 30, 2008
Jenny at Little Acorns Treehouse has asked that experienced homeschoolers give some of their best advice to new homeschoolers. Even though I’m a bit late in writing my entry, here it is! I chose to focus on one of the worst mistakes I made in the earlier years.
The worst mistake I have ever made homeschooling has been trying too hard to push “my” agenda with the children.It’s so easy to plan, prepare, buy materials and have the perfect schedule of studies set for the year – only to find that your child isn’t exactly on the same page as you.
As an example, before our third year of homeschooling, I decided that we needed to get more serious.I had been using a very literature-based, hands-on, mom-planned curriculum through the previous years, but I began to doubt my abilities to teach the “right” things and know my own children’s learning styles.
In my mind, the way to make sure we were on track was to buy textbooks/workbooks for every subject.And of course, I needed to add all the extras that so many people recommend, like Latin, etiquette, and even a planned out fitness program.Let’s just suffice it to say that this year turned out to be our worst ever.My children were miserable.I was miserable.And very honestly, I believe less learning took place because everyone was so miserable.I wasn’t meeting the learning styles of my children and I was pushing to accomplish way too much.
Since we’ve been back to a more natural flow of learning for our family, school has become enjoyable again!That’s not to say that I don’t slip back into the same old habit of over-thinking and over-planning, but keeping my eye on the situation and being willing to make changes when necessary has made all the difference.Good luck!!You’re going to love it!
