Teaching the Value of Purity – Day 9

Posted by Cindy on November 7, 2011

Welcome to Day 9 of my Heart of the Matter 10 Days of… series on teaching values in your homeschool.  Today I’m writing about one of my favorite topics – purity.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.

Psalm 119:9

We’ve focused a lot during this series on Biblical values in general, but I wanted to have a full post devoted to the topic of purity because I see way too many Christian homes, even homeschoolers, stumbling in this area.

I’m not going to try to persuade you about the lines to draw for your family as far as things like dating and modesty go, but I am going to challenge you to start early (or now – it’s not too late) in painting a picture of purity for your children.  Purity in mind, body and soul.  Purity in speech, actions and clothing choices.

I truly believe that issues of purity are some of the easiest ways the devil weasels his way into our children’s lives as they mature.  When we start teaching purity early, it’s much easier for our children to grow into the idea that living purely is simply the way of life, not just one of many options.

So where did my husband and I start in teaching purity?

Well, it’s quite a natural part of our existence now, so remembering where we started is somewhat difficult.  Maybe a better way to explain is by sharing some habits of our daily life today.

• We don’t listen to unwholesome music – ever.  Most current music is downright nasty.  Don’t believe me?  I challenge you to find a top 40 list of pop or country music on the internet.  Then take a few minutes to Google the lyrics to at least ten songs.  Read the lyrics all the way through – you’ll soon see what I mean.  Mindlessly listening to those words over and over again sinks in.  I promise.  (What do we listen to?  K-Love and a local Christian radio station.  We only stray from the dial once in a while.)

• We pay extra money for a DVR and fast forward through almost every commercial since they are often way worse than the tv shows we watch.

• We are very careful about television shows and movies.  There’s no iCarly, Glee or Life of the American Teenager in our house.  And movies are either previewed before the kids see them or I take the time to read through Plugged In reviews.

• We are very careful about books our children read.  I almost always search the internet for reviews.  It’s so nice when we come across a series or author that we can trust without previewing!

• We are very careful about friendships and have discussions often about finding friends who sharpen us and encourage us in our walk with Christ.

• We dress modestly.  My daughter is a naturally modest young lady, so purchasing the “in thing” has never been an issue for us.  In fact, even though we buy a modest one-piece bathing suit, she still covers up with a t-shirt in the pool motivated by her own standards.  Boys are easy since modesty is pretty much in style most of the time.

• We talk openly about why the typical dating game isn’t going to be part of our lifestyle.  We read books that encourage this and try to find like-minded friends.

• My husband and I try to be examples in purity ourselves.

I’m sure some of you are wondering if my kids ever balk at these standards.  Never.  Believe it or not.  Maybe when they were little they fussed occasionally, but we’ve always had open conversations with our children about the “whys” of our lifestyle and they all seem to “get it” without argument.  There have been times we’ve watched a questionable show together, for example, and then discussed afterwards why the show can’t be on our “okay list” and everyone is typically in agreement.

As I’ve already mentioned, these standards are just part of our family now.  However, we didn’t start our family with all these standards in place.  In fact, Steve and I were far from holding these principles in the beginning of our marriage.  They have each come about one by one as needs have arisen. As an example, I used to listen to popular music all the time.  I loved watching the annual awards shows for popular musicians and even viewed MTV once in awhile.  (Gasp!)  When my first child was born, it was almost like scales fell off my eyes and ears as I started actually hearing the words of the music and seeing the extreme sexuality portrayed on the shows.  At that time, new standards for music and tv viewing were set.

I tell you that story to encourage you not to be overwhelmed with all the changes you might need to make.  Pray about each issue as it comes up and be ready to make any necessary changes as God leads.  One step at a time is better than no step at all.  Before long, those steps add up!

Like I mentioned earlier, though, {if at all possible} don’t wait too late to develop family standards.  It’s much easier to lay the groundwork when your children are 4, 5 and 6 than when they are 14, 15 and 16.  When they’ve grown up knowing where the line is, they are far less likely to balk in those teenage years.

There are so many other areas of purity besides sexual purity, but that area seems to be the hardest for most parents.  Partly because our children are literally bombarded with sexuality everywhere they turn, and partly because talking sexual purity can be scary!  For those reasons, I’m choosing to focus mostly on sexual purity as I give you references below.

I have included a more exhaustive list of books about purity on my a-store page.

{Always preview these books before you jump in with your children!  We are all in different places with what our kids know, need to know and can handle.}

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

Proverbs 4:23-27

Who has your heart?

I know this is an incredibly long post already, but seeing this the other day reminded me of a purity lesson I did with the older kids and teens at church not too long ago.  If you’re so inclined, I hope you will find some way to use it with your children as a concrete example of how dating can be dangerous.

I gave everyone a large construction paper heart and told them to decorate it as beautifully as they could given markers and five minutes.  Afterwards, I collected the hearts of my own children (two hearts) and gave them to my husband to hold.

Then, I asked the boys in the room to go stand near any girl.  The “couples” were formally introduced to one another as boyfriend/girlfriend {lots of giggling here} and told to exchange hearts.  When we date, we typically go into the relationship to give the other person our heart, right?

Uh oh, all of the sudden the relationships all go sour and the couples break up.  BUT…before giving the hearts back to the rightful owners, I asked each person to tear a little piece of their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s heart to keep since memories of that person will always remain with them.

I asked all the boys to pick a new girl to stand next to.  Good news!  Now everyone has a new boyfriend/girlfriend and THIS relationship is going to last!  They exchanged hearts and I had them walk around the room “all lovey dovey” with each other.

Uh oh, even though these relationships were sure to last…they, too, go sour.  Again, before returning hearts, I asked everyone to tear a slightly bigger piece from their partner’s heart to represent a longer relationship.

We went through this process another time or two.  I had everyone sit down and tell me about their hearts now.  Obviously, they were not whole anymore.

Next, I used one girl and boy as an example for the group.  I told the boy to go to the girl and ask for her hand in marriage.  {More giggling}  When he did, she handed him her sad little heart that had already been given away in bits and pieces to so many other boys.  THEY GOT IT.

I said, “Wait, let’s see if we can gather the other pieces of her heart from the other boys and mend her heart!”  We taped all the pieces together and saw the whole, but highly scarred heart.  AGAIN, THEY GOT IT.

Then, I called my two children to the front of the group.  They had been sitting around watching this entire activity because they didn’t have hearts.  They had been very frustrated being left out of the game.

My husband made a big deal of telling them that, as their parents, we had held on to their hearts until the time was right.  Then an older boy came into the room to offer his whole heart and his hand in marriage to my daughter.  She was able to offer him her whole, undamaged heart.  YES, THEY GOT IT.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

1 Timothy 4:12

If you hung in there with me through this entire post, thank you.  I hope it was worth it.

Be sure to visit these brilliant women during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!

10 days of Character Studies | Confessions of a Homeschooler
10 days of Christmas Countdown Ideas | Milk & Cookies
10 days of Creative Writing | Chocolate on My Cranium
10 days of Crockpot Meals | The Happy Housewife
10 Days to a Godly Marriage | Women Living Well
10 Days of Growing Leaders | Mom’s Mustard Seeds
10 Days of Homeschooling High School | Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers
10 days of I Wish I Had Known | Fruit in Season
10 days of Keeping Your Marbles | The Tie That Binds Us
10 days of Kid-friendly Food | Planner Perfect
10 Days of Language Arts Lesson Planning | Jimmie’s Collage
10 Days of Learning Apps | Daze of Adventure
10 Days of a Mason Jar Christmas | Cajun Joie de Vivre
10 Days of More JESUS in Christmas | Preschoolers and Peace
10 Days to a Peaceful Home | Raising Arrows
10 Days of Raising a Life-Long-Learner | Bright Ideas Press
10 days of Science with Math | Blog, She Wrote
10 days of Teaching Values | Our Journey Westward
10 days of Winning your Child’s Heart | I Take Joy

Teaching Values {Resources} – Day10

Posted by Cindy on

Whew.  Day 10.  Thank you for hanging in there with me these past two weeks!  I truly hope you’ve enjoyed this series about teaching values and pray that at least one thing stuck out as a good idea to use in your homeschool.  Today I’m going to wrap up the series with two simple comprehensive lists of character training resources that I have found helpful over the years.  Some of them have been mentioned in previous posts, some have not.

Sorry for making you click links, but the past two weeks of writing have tuckered me out.  Plus, there are simply too many resources to include in one post.  So…here are links to my aStore where you’ll find pages and pages of great resources.

My Favorite Bible and Character Study Resources

My Favorite Purity Resources

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:12-17

Before I leave you…  Enjoy your children.   Soak them in the Word.  Pray for them continually.  Be a good example.  Be merciful.  Love God.

Be sure to visit these brilliant women during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!

10 days of Character Studies | Confessions of a Homeschooler
10 days of Christmas Countdown Ideas | Milk & Cookies
10 days of Creative Writing | Chocolate on My Cranium
10 days of Crockpot Meals | The Happy Housewife
10 Days to a Godly Marriage | Women Living Well
10 Days of Growing Leaders | Mom’s Mustard Seeds
10 Days of Homeschooling High School | Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers
10 days of I Wish I Had Known | Fruit in Season
10 days of Keeping Your Marbles | The Tie That Binds Us
10 days of Kid-friendly Food | Planner Perfect
10 Days of Language Arts Lesson Planning | Jimmie’s Collage
10 Days of Learning Apps | Daze of Adventure
10 Days of a Mason Jar Christmas | Cajun Joie de Vivre
10 Days of More JESUS in Christmas | Preschoolers and Peace
10 Days to a Peaceful Home | Raising Arrows
10 Days of Raising a Life-Long-Learner | Bright Ideas Press
10 days of Science with Math | Blog, She Wrote
10 days of Teaching Values | Our Journey Westward
10 days of Winning your Child’s Heart | I Take Joy

Kids and Money

Posted by Cindy on April 14, 2008

Kids and Money – Teaching Biblical Stewardship and Allowances

This topic can go so many different ways based on the preferences of parents.  I’m offering just a brief overview of how we handle kids and money in our house.  I’d love to hear some of your ideas and thoughts about raising money-wise, generous children.

God tells us to give – to Him and to others.  Biblical stewardship can come in the form of money, things and time.  That’s something we try to teach our children early, so when they were little we bought My Giving Bank.  They would put their little bits of money in the tithe, save and spend sections and it gave them a good picture of one Biblically sound way to organize their money.  We would transfer the same idea over to time, for instance, too.  “Make sure your time is being spent on God, others and yourself – not necessarily in the same percentages as the money bank, though.”

As time has gone on, chores and allowance have been added to the mix.    We, personally, use allowance as “pay” for chores.  The amount is set.  Chores aren’t an option, so they get paid the full amount each week.  The older you are, the more you make.  (You also do a few more chores.)  Our children are expected to tithe and save part of their allowance.  They are responsible for purchasing all their “wants”.  Of course “wants” can be placed on a birthday or Christmas list, but the rest of the year, the “wants” are their responsibility.  No money may be removed from tithing or savings to purchase a “want”.

We do not give loans.  Brother or sister may choose to make a loan to the other, but nothing else can be purchased by the borrower until the original loan has been paid off.  A fair interest on the loan is acceptable if the loaner wants to charge the borrower.

If a big-ticket item is on the “want” list, our children may offer to do extra big-time chores and negotiate a fair wage for the chores.  They are also free to offer house cleaning, baking, pet-sitting, etc. to grandparents and neighbors if they’d like to try to earn even more money.

That’s our plan.

Here are some helpful resources.  Some of which we have used, while others have been recommended by friends.

Here are some fun and helpful websites:

US Government’s Online Money Games for Kids

Practical Money Skills for Life Online Games

Money Games and Lessons For Kids

Toy Jail

Posted by Cindy on January 25, 2008

Our toys are in jail.  They have visitation rights, but very limited.  You see, since I couldn’t lock the messy children up, the toys had to be the ones to suffer.

They’ve been in jail for almost a month now and the time apart from the children seems to be doing everyone well.

We took every toy in the house and put them all in their appropriate boxes, bags or containers (like they should’ve been to begin with.)  Then, I carted an old bookshelf up to our bonus room space and started stacking toys.  It didn’t matter whether they were attractively placed or easily accessible because the kids weren’t going to have “unsupervised visitiation rights”.

If they want a particular toy, they have to go through the guard (me) to get it.  I go to the bonus room area and pull out the whole container.  In other words, if Caleb wants one particular spy toy, he has to take the entire spy gear box.  As long as the spy gear (or other type of toy container) stays neat, he may keep the container as long as he likes.  No other container of toys may be played with until the first container has been returned in its entirety.

I really thought this idea might not work, but it has!  It has!!  The house AND bedrooms are staying tidy.  The kids are enjoying their toys more.  And I’m smiling more! 

Sorry that I have no pictures to share.  Our camera finally died.  Just took it’s last breath one afternoon without warning.  Maybe we’ll have a new camera soon.  That was to be my Christmas gift, but the dryer took it’s last breath before the camera.  We’ve buried two important things this month.

The Peace Place

Posted by Cindy on January 8, 2008

A peace place.  A place for my children (or myself) to go when we are not being peaceful.  A time-out of sorts, but focused on God and His desires for us.  A quiet and comfortable place for us to reflect on why we haven’t been peaceful and to ask forgiveness.  A place to rid ourselves of frustration, focus on the Word and work through forgiveness towards the person or people who have offended us.

In this place, you’ll find a Bible, a peace notebook, paper, pens and a servant jar.  The peace notebook includes everything included on Holy Experience’s post about making a peace place (above).  As the kids read through the pages in the notebook, my prayer is that their hearts begin to soften.  That they grow closer to the Lord and learn to walk in His ways more readily.  That they learn how to better handle the frustrations of life (especially life with brothers and sisters.)

The servant jar.  When one of my children gets angry and offends someone else in the house with ugly words or ugly actions, not only do they get to spend a little time in the Peace Place, but they get to choose a slip of paper from the servant jar.  On the little slips are jobs that person can do to serve the person they’ve offended.  What better way to ask forgiveness of someone than to serve them.

We’ve only just begun our Peace Place, but I’m praying that God will reveal Himself to us when we visit.  I’m praying that our walk will grow closer to His as we learn better to ask forgiveness and to forgive others.  I’m praying that, eventually, we won’t need the Peace Place anymore because our hearts will have turned towards Him in such a way that our actions and reactions are generally peaceful.  Ah, peace.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”  Matthew 5:9

(The original idea for our peace place and servant jar came from a mixture of posts on the same topic from A Holy Experience and Preschoolers and Peace.  Love those ladies!)