Welcome back to my Heart of the Matter 10 Days of… Series on Teaching Values in your homeschool! One busy week is coming to a close, but one more week of practical advice still remains! Today I’m writing about instilling values in your children through heart-felt discipline.
I’ll be the first to admit that heartfelt discipline is not my strongest parenting skill. It’s way easier to demand a child stop doing something “because I said so” than it is to take time to reach the heart of why our family doesn’t act a certain way. It’s also easier to send everyone to timeout (for my sanity) than it is to stop everything for a family meeting to discuss what’s going on and what we can do to fix it.
Those things are easier, but they don’t ever build anything more in my children than thoughts that I’m too busy and too frustrated to care about their problems.
You know, I just said they are easier, but in reality they aren’t at all easier. They are easier for the moment – until I have to deal with the same behavior issue 20 more times this week (or this day!) Every single time I’ve taken the time to get to the heart of a discipline issue right away, it’s been nipped in the bud. In other words, there is no time for my children to form bad habits from my lazy discipline.
When I stop and get to the root of the behavior, I have the awesome opportunity to mold their hearts, minds and souls with values that are important to our family. I get to talk about what God expects from us and point them to the Word. I let them know that I really do care them!
And, usually, when I’m having a heart to heart discussion about behavior, I’m doing it with a much better attitude. This kind of discipline becomes my privilege rather than my frustration. It becomes a teaching opportunity rather than everyone waiting for the warts to start growing on my witch’s nose.
Just what do I do to get to the heart of the behavior? Different situations mean different approaches, but this is my general plan of action.
Get eye level with the child(ren) and ask what’s going on?
When I’m eye level, there is trust that I’m there to help rather than harshly discipline.
Talk about behavior that would have been better to choose in the same situation.
I usually ask, “What did you do that we need to talk about?” and “What could you have done differently?”
Talk about what God tells us in His Word about the positive behavior vs. the negative behavior.
If I don’t know off the top of my head what the Bible says, there are a couple of resources I use – For Instruction in Righteousness and Doorposts. (See below.)
Decide what needs to be done to fix the situation.
Sometimes, a simple apology is in order. Other times a consequence is in order. I try to match the consequence with the offense, at the same time allowing my older children to help decide the consequence. (See a few examples below.)
Two tried and true (and highly recommended) resources that have helped me understand the concept of discipline that reaches the heart are:
Two resources that have helped me bring the Word into my discipline are:
On Monday, I’ll be sharing the nitty-gritty of how I use For Instruction in Righteousness in our home. This is such a wonderful book!
You might like to read about our Peace Place, too.
Like I said, I have a lot of growing room in this area! I’ll be praying about and making a better effort to reach the heart of discipline in the days and weeks to come. How about you?
Be sure to visit these fantastic women during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!
Pam Forster has packed this reference full-to-the-brim, covering more than 50 undesirable character traits. Undesirable character traits? Yes, which is why it’s such a great resource! When you find your child caught up in a lie or battling with anger, you can easily use the table of contents to find the problem area and be led to a world of helps!
Within each section, you find:
Bible verses and Bible stories that speak about the sin (bad character trait)
References to Bible verses and stories that illustrate the results of the sin
Simple ideas for creative discipline
Bible verses that speak of the blessings from “doing the opposite”
References to Bible stories that illustrate the blessings that result from “doing the opposite”
A few Bible verses appropriate for memorization on the topic
Let’s go through one chapter as an example. In the chapter called “Complaining/Ingratitude” you will find several Bible references showing people who have grumbled against God, who are lovers of themselves, and who forget God’s blessings. These verses are followed by references to what happens to people in the Bible who live in this sin – like the children of Israel dying in the wilderness and not having the privilege of entering the Promised Land. Upon reading about the children of Israel, the author suggests that you might remind your child of his complaining/ingratitude by giving him more work if he continues to grumble about tasks set before him.
After what I like to call the chastising for poor character qualities, there are always answers from the Word that bring hope! In this chapter, the focus turns to verses and stories that show the blessings people receive when they are thankful – the opposite of a complainer or ungrateful person. In this instance, you are directed such stories as Ruth and Naomi or Rahab. And the chapter always ends with pertinent, often uplifting verses to hide in your heart.
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Col. 3:17
Think of it. For just about any character issue your child is struggling with (or you for that matter), this guide will get you started on Biblical advice against the issue and what to replace the behavior with!
How do I use it?
As a Bible Study Guide
There have been times, we have simply gone through the book with our Bibles in hand and studied together on a topic for a day, a week or longer. It doesn’t get any easier. We look up verses and have discussions. Everything is there for you. These discussion times have been really good.
With Literature Character Lessons
As mentioned on day 2 of this series, we will often read picture books or chapter books and turn them into a character lesson. When discussing the flaws of a certain character, it’s nice to have For Instruction in Righteousness nearby. We’ll often talk about what God has to say about the flaw and this book is invaluable for finding His thoughts.
Using it in Discipline
Again, as I mentioned on day 5 of this series, I try (my darnedest) to discipline in a way that gets to the heart of the issues. That often involves bringing God’s Word into our discipline discussions. If my children don’t understand why we do or don’t act a certain way, then discipline is fairly worthless. So, in trying to help them learn our values, which are God’s values, I am constantly pulling out For Instruction in Righteousness to lead me to those heart-grabbing verses that deal specifically with the issue at hand. It’s a topical Bible reference that speaks directly to discipline issues!
So There You Have It
Just in case you’re wondering, no, I don’t have any relationship with Doorposts or the author, Pam Forster. (LOL) I just REALLY use this book and can’t say enough about what a help it’s been in our home!
Do you own For Instruction in Righteousness? How do you use it?
Be sure to visit these brilliant women during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!
Welcome to day 7 of my Heart of the Matter 10 Days of… series on Teaching Values to your children. Let’s get down and dirty with some lesson plans today!
I’m a very practical gal. And, since this is a homeschooling blog, I thought I’d share some super-practical character building lesson ideas that you can easily incorporate into your homeschool. They are in no particular order. Some can be completed by older children, some by younger children, and many by both. Some can even be cooperative – meaning your children can work together. Enjoy the ideas as-is or tweak them to suit your needs!
As you read through the lessons, you’ll see many of them are very creative, involving more than one subject and/or learning style. These in-depth lessons are what I like to call project-based learning. If you like the idea of adding more creative, project-style learning to your routine, my NaturExplorers science-based studies include lots of these ideas (in the hands-on activities and writing/research sections.)
Lesson Ideas
Missionary Study
Choose a well-known missionary to research. Read an exciting biography and/or learn about the missionary’s story through Internet research. Write a first person account of the missionary’s life. Create a poster person (similar to the photo above) to use as you read or recite your first person account. Be sure to include what values the missionary exhibited.
Hero Study
Research a famous person known for his or her character, otherwise known as a hero. Possible subjects include George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King, or Clara Barton. (You can find a large list of potential people to study here.) Create a poster biography of this person including information about his or her life and how he or she displayed high moral values. Also include photos, maps, quotes and other facts as they pertain to the assignment. Present your poster report to the entire family. Feel free to dress similarly to the person you are speaking about and/or bring props to enhance your presentation.
Keep a Character Journal
Spend a month focusing on character qualities through keeping a journal. This could be done several ways, but in all cases each child and parent should get his or her own notebook and not be expected to share the private writings. In one instance, you might focus on one character trait each day during Bible study and then ask everyone to take a few minutes to journal about how they are doing/what they need to improve relating to that trait. As another example, each person might find a quiet place and be expected to write whatever comes from their heart about their character. You might suggest they write about mistakes they’ve made, positive things they’ve done and prayers to God about their character.
Topical Bible Study
What does God say? Let your child choose a character trait and find out what God has to say about it. Using the Bible and other resources, such as For Instruction in Righteousness, Nave’s Topical Bible, or another topical reference, allow your child to see for himself whether or not that character trait is pleasing to the Lord. He should create a chart, along with a written or oral report of his findings.
Complete a Family Proverbs Study
We’ve gone through Proverbs several times as a family and learned so much about character issues each time! We have used the following lesson books at various times, too, and loved each one.
Interview the Wise
Find a grandparent, older neighbor, church member, or even a nursing home resident whom you trust to share Biblical wisdom with your child. Ask your child to write interview questions beforehand on the topic of character. Maybe the interview could focus on how character values have changed over the years. If you have access to a video camera, tape the interview for the entire family to watch and discuss at a later date. What a great memory to have on video!
Literature Character Study
Last week, I wrote about how to use literature as character training lessons. After you have used several books in this way alongside your child, let him choose a book for character analysis. Younger children can analyze the main character, while older children can analyze all of the book’s characters. Depending on abilities, ask your child to notice:
character attitudes
character behavior
motivations for attitudes and behavior
how the attitudes and behavior effect other characters
how the attitudes and behavior effect the character personally
how the character changes throughout the book
You might ask your younger child to create a cereal box report (similar to the photo above) where one topic is written on each side of the cereal box and props are placed inside the box to be used during a presentation about the character analysis. Older children can write a report which includes at least one paragraph on each topic. My older children would like an assignment to place these paragraphs into a computerized newsletter.
Story Rewrite
After reading a short story about a character who doesn’t make good choices, ask your child to rewrite the story so that the character makes better choices. Allow her to illustrate and bind the book for a nicely finished project.
Fun Family Activities
Write character qualities on sticky notes. Place them on the backs or foreheads of everyone in the family. Take turns giving hints about the character qualities until everyone is able to guess theirs.
Give each family member a sheet of stickers. Everyone should be watchful throughout the day for brothers, sisters, moms, dads, etc. to display positive character traits. When someone is “caught”, a sticker is placed on them. Hopefully, everyone will be all “stickered up” at day’s end!
Holiday Ideas
Thankfulness is the perfect value to work on this time of year! Create a thankful tree. Yes, I’m quite sure you can make a much lovelier tree than ours! We list things we’re thankful for each day and add them to the branches of the tree.
As Christmas approaches, instead of making a countdown paper chain, make a count UP chain. Each day, add a new link to the chain. Write the character trait best displayed through the day on the link. By Christmas, you’ll have a wonderful and festive reminder of the month’s positive moments.
Now it’s your turn! I’d love to hear some of your lesson ideas for teaching character!
Be sure to visit these awesome ladies during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!
Welcome back to Day 8 of my Heart of the Matter 10 Days of… series on teaching values in your homeschool! Today’s topic is about one of my favorite allegories of all time – The Pilgrim’s Progress.
An allegory is a story with a hidden meaning. In The Pilgrim’s Progress, each of the characters in the book represents a different type of person you might meet in this world as you travel through life trying to stay on the path that leads to eternity.
But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:14
One man, Christian, has been urged to leave his town – the City of Destruction – to find the city of salvation, known as Mt. Zion. On his journey, Christian meets many, many people. Some seem to be friends,while others seem to be enemies – many of them wittingly or unwittingly trying to lead Christian off the path that leads to his final destination.
From beginning to end, the book offers a fantastic study of “character qualities” through the many varied “characters” you meet. For instance:
Pliable – who starts on the journey with Christian only to get discouraged and go home
Worldly Wiseman – who encourages Christian to give up his silly fascination with religion and stray from his journey
Demas – who tries to tempt Christian away from his journey with worldly wealth
Evangelist – who first brings the Gospel message to Christian and urges him on his journey to Mt. Zion
Shining Ones – who are guardians to Christian throughout his journey
Faithful – a companion of Christian’s during the journey
As you can tell, each person’s character traits “fits” his or her name. And each character (there are many more) holds a very important place in values training discussions. The wealth of Biblical and character symbolism in The Pilgrim’s Progress is unmatched, in my opinion!
I will admit that the original version written by John Bunyan in 1678 is difficult to read in its Old English writing style. However, there are many other versions on the market. In many cases, full-texts that have been edited to more modern language. You can also find abridged, illustrated versions for younger children. Some of your choices include:
If you’re interested in completing a very in-depth study of The Pilgrim’s Progress, I would suggest the curriculum below. It’s very workbook-like with questions for each chapter of the book, but also unit-study-like as it ties in Bible, history and more.
I’m a huge fan of Christian allegories and there are many wonderful children’s allegories I highly recommend. (Don’t think picture books are just for younger children! I read these with middle and high school kids at church all the time as part of fantastic Sunday school lessons!)
Now it’s your turn! What Biblical allegories have you read and recommend?
Be sure to visit these great ladies during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!
Welcome to Day 9 of my Heart of the Matter 10 Days of… series on teaching values in your homeschool. Today I’m writing about one of my favorite topics – purity.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
Psalm 119:9
We’ve focused a lot during this series on Biblical values in general, but I wanted to have a full post devoted to the topic of purity because I see way too many Christian homes, even homeschoolers, stumbling in this area.
I’m not going to try to persuade you about the lines to draw for your family as far as things like dating and modesty go, but I am going to challenge you to start early (or now – it’s not too late) in painting a picture of purity for your children. Purity in mind, body and soul. Purity in speech, actions and clothing choices.
I truly believe that issues of purity are some of the easiest ways the devil weasels his way into our children’s lives as they mature. When we start teaching purity early, it’s much easier for our children to grow into the idea that living purely is simply the way of life, not just one of many options.
So where did my husband and I start in teaching purity?
Well, it’s quite a natural part of our existence now, so remembering where we started is somewhat difficult. Maybe a better way to explain is by sharing some habits of our daily life today.
We don’t listen to unwholesome music – ever. Most current music is downright nasty. Don’t believe me? I challenge you to find a top 40 list of pop or country music on the internet. Then take a few minutes to Google the lyrics to at least ten songs. Read the lyrics all the way through – you’ll soon see what I mean. Mindlessly listening to those words over and over again sinks in. I promise. (What do we listen to? K-Love and a local Christian radio station. We only stray from the dial once in a while.)
We pay extra money for a DVR and fast forward through almost every commercial since they are often way worse than the tv shows we watch.
We are very careful about television shows and movies. There’s no iCarly, Glee or Life of the American Teenager in our house. And movies are either previewed before the kids see them or I take the time to read through Plugged In reviews.
We are very careful about books our children read. I almost always search the internet for reviews. It’s so nice when we come across a series or author that we can trust without previewing!
We are very careful about friendships and have discussions often about finding friends who sharpen us and encourage us in our walk with Christ.
We dress modestly. My daughter is a naturally modest young lady, so purchasing the “in thing” has never been an issue for us. In fact, even though we buy a modest one-piece bathing suit, she still covers up with a t-shirt in the pool motivated by her own standards. Boys are easy since modesty is pretty much in style most of the time.
We talk openly about why the typical dating game isn’t going to be part of our lifestyle. We read books that encourage this and try to find like-minded friends.
I’m sure some of you are wondering if my kids ever balk at these standards. Never. Believe it or not. Maybe when they were little they fussed occasionally, but we’ve always had open conversations with our children about the “whys” of our lifestyle and they all seem to “get it” without argument. There have been times we’ve watched a questionable show together, for example, and then discussed afterwards why the show can’t be on our “okay list” and everyone is typically in agreement.
As I’ve already mentioned, these standards are just part of our family now. However, we didn’t start our family with all these standards in place. In fact, Steve and I were far from holding these principles in the beginning of our marriage. They have each come about one by one as needs have arisen. As an example, I used to listen to popular music all the time. I loved watching the annual awards shows for popular musicians and even viewed MTV once in awhile. (Gasp!) When my first child was born, it was almost like scales fell off my eyes and ears as I started actually hearing the words of the music and seeing the extreme sexuality portrayed on the shows. At that time, new standards for music and tv viewing were set.
I tell you that story to encourage you not to be overwhelmed with all the changes you might need to make. Pray about each issue as it comes up and be ready to make any necessary changes as God leads. One step at a time is better than no step at all. Before long, those steps add up!
Like I mentioned earlier, though, {if at all possible} don’t wait too late to develop family standards. It’s much easier to lay the groundwork when your children are 4, 5 and 6 than when they are 14, 15 and 16. When they’ve grown up knowing where the line is, they are far less likely to balk in those teenage years.
There are so many other areas of purity besides sexual purity, but that area seems to be the hardest for most parents. Partly because our children are literally bombarded with sexuality everywhere they turn, and partly because talking sexual purity can be scary! For those reasons, I’m choosing to focus mostly on sexual purity as I give you references below.
I have included a more exhaustive list of books about purity on my a-store page.
{Always preview these books before you jump in with your children! We are all in different places with what our kids know, need to know and can handle.}
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4:23-27
Who has your heart?
I know this is an incredibly long post already, but seeing this the other day reminded me of a purity lesson I did with the older kids and teens at church not too long ago. If you’re so inclined, I hope you will find some way to use it with your children as a concrete example of how dating can be dangerous.
I gave everyone a large construction paper heart and told them to decorate it as beautifully as they could given markers and five minutes. Afterwards, I collected the hearts of my own children (two hearts) and gave them to my husband to hold.
Then, I asked the boys in the room to go stand near any girl. The “couples” were formally introduced to one another as boyfriend/girlfriend {lots of giggling here} and told to exchange hearts. When we date, we typically go into the relationship to give the other person our heart, right?
Uh oh, all of the sudden the relationships all go sour and the couples break up. BUT…before giving the hearts back to the rightful owners, I asked each person to tear a little piece of their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s heart to keep since memories of that person will always remain with them.
I asked all the boys to pick a new girl to stand next to. Good news! Now everyone has a new boyfriend/girlfriend and THIS relationship is going to last! They exchanged hearts and I had them walk around the room “all lovey dovey” with each other.
Uh oh, even though these relationships were sure to last…they, too, go sour. Again, before returning hearts, I asked everyone to tear a slightly bigger piece from their partner’s heart to represent a longer relationship.
We went through this process another time or two. I had everyone sit down and tell me about their hearts now. Obviously, they were not whole anymore.
Next, I used one girl and boy as an example for the group. I told the boy to go to the girl and ask for her hand in marriage. {More giggling} When he did, she handed him her sad little heart that had already been given away in bits and pieces to so many other boys. THEY GOT IT.
I said, “Wait, let’s see if we can gather the other pieces of her heart from the other boys and mend her heart!” We taped all the pieces together and saw the whole, but highly scarred heart. AGAIN, THEY GOT IT.
Then, I called my two children to the front of the group. They had been sitting around watching this entire activity because they didn’t have hearts. They had been very frustrated being left out of the game.
My husband made a big deal of telling them that, as their parents, we had held on to their hearts until the time was right. Then an older boy came into the room to offer his whole heart and his hand in marriage to my daughter. She was able to offer him her whole, undamaged heart. YES, THEY GOT IT.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
If you hung in there with me through this entire post, thank you. I hope it was worth it.
Be sure to visit these brilliant women during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!
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by Pam Forster (published by 
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