Teaching the Value of Purity – Day 9
Welcome to Day 9 of my Heart of the Matter 10 Days of… series on teaching values in your homeschool. Today I’m writing about one of my favorite topics – purity.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
Psalm 119:9
We’ve focused a lot during this series on Biblical values in general, but I wanted to have a full post devoted to the topic of purity because I see way too many Christian homes, even homeschoolers, stumbling in this area.
I’m not going to try to persuade you about the lines to draw for your family as far as things like dating and modesty go, but I am going to challenge you to start early (or now – it’s not too late) in painting a picture of purity for your children. Purity in mind, body and soul. Purity in speech, actions and clothing choices.
I truly believe that issues of purity are some of the easiest ways the devil weasels his way into our children’s lives as they mature. When we start teaching purity early, it’s much easier for our children to grow into the idea that living purely is simply the way of life, not just one of many options.
So where did my husband and I start in teaching purity?
Well, it’s quite a natural part of our existence now, so remembering where we started is somewhat difficult. Maybe a better way to explain is by sharing some habits of our daily life today.
- We don’t listen to unwholesome music – ever. Most current music is downright nasty. Don’t believe me? I challenge you to find a top 40 list of pop or country music on the internet. Then take a few minutes to Google the lyrics to at least ten songs. Read the lyrics all the way through – you’ll soon see what I mean. Mindlessly listening to those words over and over again sinks in. I promise. (What do we listen to? K-Love and a local Christian radio station. We only stray from the dial once in a while.)
- We pay extra money for a DVR and fast forward through almost every commercial since they are often way worse than the tv shows we watch.
- We are very careful about television shows and movies. There’s no iCarly, Glee or Life of the American Teenager in our house. And movies are either previewed before the kids see them or I take the time to read through Plugged In reviews.
- We are very careful about books our children read. I almost always search the internet for reviews. It’s so nice when we come across a series or author that we can trust without previewing!
- We are very careful about friendships and have discussions often about finding friends who sharpen us and encourage us in our walk with Christ.
- We dress modestly. My daughter is a naturally modest young lady, so purchasing the “in thing” has never been an issue for us. In fact, even though we buy a modest one-piece bathing suit, she still covers up with a t-shirt in the pool motivated by her own standards. Boys are easy since modesty is pretty much in style most of the time.
- We talk openly about why the typical dating game isn’t going to be part of our lifestyle. We read books that encourage this and try to find like-minded friends.
- My husband and I try to be examples in purity ourselves.
I’m sure some of you are wondering if my kids ever balk at these standards. Never. Believe it or not. Maybe when they were little they fussed occasionally, but we’ve always had open conversations with our children about the “whys” of our lifestyle and they all seem to “get it” without argument. There have been times we’ve watched a questionable show together, for example, and then discussed afterwards why the show can’t be on our “okay list” and everyone is typically in agreement.
As I’ve already mentioned, these standards are just part of our family now. However, we didn’t start our family with all these standards in place. In fact, Steve and I were far from holding these principles in the beginning of our marriage. They have each come about one by one as needs have arisen. As an example, I used to listen to popular music all the time. I loved watching the annual awards shows for popular musicians and even viewed MTV once in awhile. (Gasp!) When my first child was born, it was almost like scales fell off my eyes and ears as I started actually hearing the words of the music and seeing the extreme sexuality portrayed on the shows. At that time, new standards for music and tv viewing were set.
I tell you that story to encourage you not to be overwhelmed with all the changes you might need to make. Pray about each issue as it comes up and be ready to make any necessary changes as God leads. One step at a time is better than no step at all. Before long, those steps add up!
Like I mentioned earlier, though, {if at all possible} don’t wait too late to develop family standards. It’s much easier to lay the groundwork when your children are 4, 5 and 6 than when they are 14, 15 and 16. When they’ve grown up knowing where the line is, they are far less likely to balk in those teenage years.
There are so many other areas of purity besides sexual purity, but that area seems to be the hardest for most parents. Partly because our children are literally bombarded with sexuality everywhere they turn, and partly because talking sexual purity can be scary! For those reasons, I’m choosing to focus mostly on sexual purity as I give you references below.
I have included a more exhaustive list of books about purity on my a-store page.
{Always preview these books before you jump in with your children! We are all in different places with what our kids know, need to know and can handle.}
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4:23-27
Who has your heart?
I know this is an incredibly long post already, but seeing this the other day reminded me of a purity lesson I did with the older kids and teens at church not too long ago. If you’re so inclined, I hope you will find some way to use it with your children as a concrete example of how dating can be dangerous.
I gave everyone a large construction paper heart and told them to decorate it as beautifully as they could given markers and five minutes. Afterwards, I collected the hearts of my own children (two hearts) and gave them to my husband to hold.
Then, I asked the boys in the room to go stand near any girl. The “couples” were formally introduced to one another as boyfriend/girlfriend {lots of giggling here} and told to exchange hearts. When we date, we typically go into the relationship to give the other person our heart, right?
Uh oh, all of the sudden the relationships all go sour and the couples break up. BUT…before giving the hearts back to the rightful owners, I asked each person to tear a little piece of their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s heart to keep since memories of that person will always remain with them.
I asked all the boys to pick a new girl to stand next to. Good news! Now everyone has a new boyfriend/girlfriend and THIS relationship is going to last! They exchanged hearts and I had them walk around the room “all lovey dovey” with each other.
Uh oh, even though these relationships were sure to last…they, too, go sour. Again, before returning hearts, I asked everyone to tear a slightly bigger piece from their partner’s heart to represent a longer relationship.
We went through this process another time or two. I had everyone sit down and tell me about their hearts now. Obviously, they were not whole anymore.
Next, I used one girl and boy as an example for the group. I told the boy to go to the girl and ask for her hand in marriage. {More giggling} When he did, she handed him her sad little heart that had already been given away in bits and pieces to so many other boys. THEY GOT IT.
I said, “Wait, let’s see if we can gather the other pieces of her heart from the other boys and mend her heart!” We taped all the pieces together and saw the whole, but highly scarred heart. AGAIN, THEY GOT IT.
Then, I called my two children to the front of the group. They had been sitting around watching this entire activity because they didn’t have hearts. They had been very frustrated being left out of the game.
My husband made a big deal of telling them that, as their parents, we had held on to their hearts until the time was right. Then an older boy came into the room to offer his whole heart and his hand in marriage to my daughter. She was able to offer him her whole, undamaged heart. YES, THEY GOT IT.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
If you hung in there with me through this entire post, thank you. I hope it was worth it.
Be sure to visit these brilliant women during the 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th!
10 days of Character Studies | Confessions of a Homeschooler
10 days of Christmas Countdown Ideas | Milk & Cookies
10 days of Creative Writing | Chocolate on My Cranium
10 days of Crockpot Meals | The Happy Housewife
10 Days to a Godly Marriage | Women Living Well
10 Days of Growing Leaders | Mom’s Mustard Seeds
10 Days of Homeschooling High School | Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers
10 days of I Wish I Had Known | Fruit in Season
10 days of Keeping Your Marbles | The Tie That Binds Us
10 days of Kid-friendly Food | Planner Perfect
10 Days of Language Arts Lesson Planning | Jimmie’s Collage
10 Days of Learning Apps | Daze of Adventure
10 Days of a Mason Jar Christmas | Cajun Joie de Vivre
10 Days of More JESUS in Christmas | Preschoolers and Peace
10 Days to a Peaceful Home | Raising Arrows
10 Days of Raising a Life-Long-Learner | Bright Ideas Press
10 days of Science with Math | Blog, She Wrote
10 days of Teaching Values | Our Journey Westward
10 days of Winning your Child’s Heart | I Take Joy
Comments
5 Responses to “Teaching the Value of Purity – Day 9”Leave a comment, and if you'd like your own picture to show up next to your comments, go get a gravatar!
Thanks for a great post, Cindy. I love the “heart” lesson. It is soooo true!
What a powerful post. Thank you for sharing your heart. And the Sunday school lesson was a great way for teens to understand the “why” behind staying pure. Thank you so much for sharing – I really enjoy reading your blog.
The heart is an amazing visual!! Oh, I stand by all of what you shared, tv, movies, books, being a good example – so very important! I also like how you mentioned the importance of choosing friends that sharpen us and encourage us on our Christian walk.
We have a tradition of a 12yo father/son or mother/daughter trip with the Passport to Purity curriculum. The child gets to choose a 2-3 day trip anywhere in the U.S. Builds wonderful memories too!
I love all the sweet family photos you shared too. Wonderful post!
Thank you, many times over, for such a great post! It is a topic that we so desperately need to keep in our minds daily.
Thank you for this post. It is very timely; I will be sharing much of it, along with other information, with our youth group tomorrow, which is the last day of their True Love Waits weekend!